An abridged history, for those wondering why and how I became so much cooler than y’all
2005-2009
Elementary School
Distinctly remember being evaluated and monitored after drawing those evil Lego Dinosaurs with scary colors; placed in Special Ed because I cried like a little bitch every week. Thankfully got moved to our Gifted & Talented program.
1999
My suffering began
2013-2017
High School
Got my shit pushed in by the hardest school in the country and suddenly surrounded by 850 other geniuses. Jazz at Lincoln Center accepted me, worked my first political campaign, contemplated Anna Karenina’ing myself every day for years. Only found happiness in my hobbies. Ran away from home for a week while interviewing for colleges and scholarships. Listed as national finalist for my short stories and Iran-Contra documentary. Played multiple paid gigs with my own jazz quartet.
2009-2013
Middle School
Picked up the saxophone, learned the blues real quick. Picked up fencing, poked boys with my stick. Picked up writing, stories were deemed sick. Became self-aware of how socially awkward I was. Started to learn the meaning of depression.
2017-2018
College & Political Consulting
Found an internship at a political consultancy and ascended their ranks while attending NYU. Realized New York City is the greatest place in the world. Discovered that becoming a workaholic can validate your worst insecurities and distract you from your problems.
2019-2021
Bootstrapping & Surviving
Founded my own firm with a few hundred bucks I saved up. Exorcised my mental illness through the catharsis of political campaigns and entrepreneurship. Spread thin, ruined my relationship, lost most of my friends, burnt many bridges. I did unironically have lots of fun during COVID because of work and my remaining friends.
2021-2022
Jackpot
Made my first million (yes net, cope). Made my second million. Made my third million. Then, I graduated IN SPITE of some fuckhead advisors and teachers; conversely saved by my philosophy professors god bless them.
2022-2024
Scaling
Made another million: numbness. None of my problems had been solved. Spent next 3 years attempting to scale and learning how to live a healthier life. Setback after setback, though I did finally build a social life and establish boundaries.
2025
Shove
Decided to attempt scaling one last final time. Liquidated all of my assets, leveraged my home, and went into astronomical debt. Currently about to pull off a miracle and reap… something rewarding…? Burnt out as fuck. I am a husk.
Stay tuned, changes coming.